Random FMA Crackfic 1 Grease Camp
by Lilycat808
Summary: This is the brainchild of 2 of my friends and I. The concept? Take most of the cast of the original FMA anime into reality, and force them to come with a few self-inserts to acting camp. Rated T because it's FMA and I'm paranoid.
1. Welcome to Texas!

_**Rated T. I'm paranoid, and hey, it's FMA.**_

_**Anyway, this is Lily again, writing crappy fanfiction for all to read. I'm removing my other fanfics that are heading nowhere and just focusing on this one. Sorry if this disappoints you, but I like this idea the best and want to actually get this headed somewhere before school starts. Freshman don't have a lot of time to waste at my high school.**_

"Hey, are you okay Ma'am?"

Riza Hawkeye looked up to find a group of three young girls standing over her, a short blonde, another even shorter blonde that appeared to be the girl's younger sister, and a taller red-head. "Where am I?" She asked them, reaching to her back holster for her gun.

"Um, as of right now, you're in the middle of Lily's front lawn," The redhead said, pointing at the taller of the two blondes, "and you kind of just showed up here, unconscious, along with a bunch of other cosplayers."

"What?" Riza sat up, looking around to find Roy, Maes, Edward, Alphonse, and quite a few others all laying on the grass in front of a house. She slowly rose to her feet, testing each of her joints to make sure nothing was broken. "Who are you people?"

"Well, I'm Lily," said the taller blonde, "and this is my little sister, Margaret, but you can call her Meg. And the carrot-head over there is Ruby."

Meg scowled. "I am NOT little."

"Taller than you, smart one. Anyway, I think since the three of us told you who we are, YOU need to tell US who you are."

Hawkeye narrowed her eyes. Should she tell them who she was, or should she make something up? "I'm First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. That man over there is Colonel Roy Mustang, and I personally know about half of the people here."

Ruby punched Lily in the arm. "I TOLD YOU SO!" She turned to Riza. "Are you THE Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye?"

"I'm pretty sure that I'm the only Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye out there. So, yes, I am."

Ruby and Lily squeed, and proceeded to glomp the Lieutenant. Then they ran off to wake up the remaining cast of Fullmetal Alchemist. Meg just stood there, blinking. "Wait, you're that lady from that cartoon thing that Lily and Ruby obsess over?"

"Meg, it's called ANIME. And the name is Fullmetal Alchemist." Lily shouted over her shoulder while running with Ruby towards the Elric Brothers and Winry, who were just then propping themselves up, blinking and making really weird faces to make sure their facial muscles still worked.

Ed turned to the two girls. "Who are you?"

As Lily proceeded to explain who she was to every single person in the yard, Meg sighed. "I'm heading back in the house. If Lily asks, I'm playing Farmville."

A very confused Riza just blinked once, then went over to Roy and knelt next to him. "Sir, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Could you please tell me anything you know about where we are, and what we're doing here?"

"Those two girls near the Elrics are Ruby and Lily. The only thing I know about our whereabouts is that we are in front of Lily's house, and Lily's sister said something about us being cartoon characters. I'm pretty sure that this is either some sort of dream or we sure aren't in Central anymore."

Mustang nodded gravely. "If this is a dream, we're both having the same one. So I'm not sure what happened."

"But if this isn't a dream, then why is Brigadier General Hughes here? He died a few months ago."

Roy put his arm around her. "I'm not sure, Lieutenant. Not sure at all."

* * *

Lily was giddy with excitement. Every main and semi-main character from the first Fullmetal Alchemist anime that she liked was, of some reason, sitting on her front lawn. Even all the Homunculi were there, including adorable little Wrath. It was taking all her willpower not to run over and tackleglomp the kid. She sat down to make sure she didn't do anything stupid, and began to watch her BFF. Ruby was currently jumping up and down and squeeing at Al, and the poor guy was trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Lily was very glad that Al was in human form, because she was sure that Ruby would want to run around with Al's helmet on her head if he wasn't.

"So," Ed asked, glad that Lily, when sitting, looked to be about the same height as him, if not shorter, "what you're telling me is that in this world, everyone here is a character created by some lady with a strange name in a place called Japan. And we are currently in a place called Texas, sitting in your front yard, while you and Ruby are waiting for your ride to some acting camp?"

"Yep. And since we have no other place to take you, y'all are coming with us. Thankfully, we ride a bus, so there's plenty of room for everyone."

"So what are you doing in this 'Acting Camp?'"

"Well, we're putting on a 'child-friendly' production of Grease, which is a show about a high school and showcases the Senior year of a few central characters."

"I have no idea what you just said but OKAY."

"Whatever, shrimp." Lily said as she turned and walked away.

Ed jumped up, rage building in his gut. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING-!"

"NII-SAN!" Al declared, rushing over to restrain his big brother. "I'm sure she didn't know what she was saying."

"Yeah, Ed. She couldn't possibly know that it irritates you when people pick on you for your height." Winry said, earning a glare from Ed. "After all, she's just some girl."

Ed snorted. "Yeah, right. You didn't see the little glint in her eyes when she left. I get the feeling she knows a lot more about us all than she's letting on."

* * *

Ruby's cell vibrated in her pocket. She checked the screen. "One new message, huh?" She read it to herself. Apparently, Lily wanted her to get to her room to talk. "Fine," she muttered to herself, "I'm coming, I'm coming."

_**AAAAAAAAND, CUT! So, how do you like it so far? Yes, I know, they haven't gotten to camp yet. I felt that was a good place to cut off. I'm gonna list all the characters that showed up, because I didn't mention many of them at all. So here they are:**_

_**Sciezka (However you spell that.), Maes Hughes and his family, Roy, Riza, Roy's crew of subordinates, Ed, Al, Winry, Maria Ross, Sloth (The female one), Wrath (The adorable one), Lust, Gluttony, Pride, The Palm Tree in a Miniskirt (If you don't know who I'm talking about… wow.), and Greed. At least two others will show up later (No I won't tell you who).**_

_**Angry Fan: HEY LILY!**_

_**Me: Oh crap not you again.**_

_**AF: Yep I'm back! Ruby sent me away, so I decided to drop by.**_

_**Me: RUBY THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.**_

_**Anywho, PLEASE click the pwetty little button that says "Review!" I'll give you a Black Hayate plushie!**_


	2. I'm on a bus I'm on a bus

_**Rated T. Do I need explanation?**_

_**So, I'm actually going to update something without making you wait like half a year before updating.**_

_**Angry Fan: I'M BAAAAAAACK!**_

_**Me: Oh dear…why must you haunt my crackfics?**_

_**AF: Because it's *censored* fun.**_

_**Me: ANGRY FAN!**_

_**AF: WHAAAAAT?**_

_**Me: Such language! If you really were here I would kick you in the shin!**_

_**AF: Whatever. I'm out of here. You're no fun. XP**_

_**And with that, here's chapter 2!**_

"What is it, Lily? Something wrong?" Ruby asked as she plopped down onto the lower bunk in Lily's room. Even though Lily and Meg didn't share a room, both of them still had bunk beds for some reason. Lily was sitting at her desk, scribbling something on a notepad.

"Just a bit." Lily sighed. "Where the heck are we gonna keep all these people?"

Ruby blinked. "In your house…"

"WHADDYA MEAN IN MY HOUSE!" Lily screamed, clearly frantic. "We have a grand total of 3 bedrooms. Meg's, mine, and my parents. My parents are out of town, so I'M theoretically spending the week at YOUR house! Where would we keep them, anyway! There's not enough room in Meg's room to keep all the guys, and I doubt that she would trust them in there, anyway."

Ruby scratched her chin. "Don't we both know how to make tarp-tents from Girl Scouts?"

Lily stared blankly at her. "Yes. Meg knows how to also. She was in charge of that at Horse Camp. What's your point?"

Ruby stood and walked over to Lily. "My point is that the guys can sleep outside in tents, and the girls can sleep in your room."

"What about the Homunculi?"

"Do they even sleep? We can keep them in a separate area, if worse comes to worse. Can't we just keep a night watch on Lust and Sloth, sent Wrath in Meg's room, and have the other 4 sleep outside?"

"Sure, I guess that would work." Lily showed Ruby what she had been scratching on her paper. It was a diagram of her house and front yard, with everyone's names written in different places around the paper.

"So, you're putting them in there… them together? Are you sure? Okay…" The two girls heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Said Lily.

It was Meg. "The bus is here. Get your butts out there and be ready to go!"

* * *

"Here we go again…" Mumbled Ruby as the trio got on the bus crawling with the people from their front yard.

"I know what you mean." Said Lily as she barely squeezed by Gluttony. "It's like the bus for school, only the guys aren't all perverted teenagers, they're perverted 20-somethings."

"And everyone's so much taller than me!" Meg chimed in. At exactly 5 foot one half-inch, it was pretty hard to find people at her middle school that were taller than her. September was coming, and Ruby and Lily both knew that Meg's pride would be squashed when she found that all the incoming 1st years were all taller than her.

Lily smirked as her eyes traveled to the back few seats of the bus. "Well, not everyone."

* * *

Ed was having another argument with Winry. She had somehow gotten her hands on a carton of milk, and he had a feeling what she wanted him to do.

"Edward Elric, you are going to drink this milk or remain the size of a lima bean for the rest of your life!" She said as she shoved it into his hands from across the isle.

"OH, A LIMA BEAN, HUH? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I AM?"

"YEAH, I DO!"

"NII-SAN!" Alphonse screamed, shutting them both up. "Those girls from earlier just got on the bus. And they've got another girl with them. Shh, they're coming this way!"

"Hey boys, Winry, mind if we sit here?" Asked the girl that had been jumping up and down and making a strange noise earlier.

"No, I don't mind. Do you, Nii-san?"

Ed mumbled something about red tulips in October.

"I'll take that as a yes." The taller blonde and redhead squished into the one-seater, and the shorter one sat down next to Ed.

The very first thing Ed noticed about her was that she was about two inches taller than him, not counting his hair antenna and his elevator boots. She looked at what was in his hand.

"You gonna drink that milk?"

He just groaned, gave it to her, and watched her drain the carton of its opaque white contents. She had a white mustache left on her upper lip. "Oh great, Winry's gonna give me a really hard time about being shorter than a girl that looks 2 years younger than me." He thought.

"So how old are you?" Winry asked the girl.

"I'm 12." She replied. Ed turned to stare intently at the scenery so he wouldn't have to put up with Winry's torment.

_**Ta-daa! That's the end of this chapter. Chapter 3 will come whenever I find time to work on it. I'm understuding for all the roles in my high school's play as a freshman, so I won't have a ton of time between that, All-state choir, and homework. Now I'm gonna head out before Angry Fan shows up again. Please review! See ya!**_

_**Angry Fan: I'm BAAACK! Wait, where is everyone? Did she leave without me? DAMMIT! Well, this is the last straw. I'm gonna camp here 'till Lilycat gets back to this story. See you guys in three months.**_


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